Things that I want to work on for 2011!
The day after Christmas and I am feeling pretty good! I laid on the couch till 10 am. I haven’t done that in forever! It’s awesome that I am finding rest in this time. It’s about time! Sleep, Sleep glorious sleep, I am finding my rest!
I am finding inspiration again, to sing that song that is in my heart! I have loved music all my life and now in conjunction with the deep inner-healing that the Lord is doing within me, I want to write the music in my heart. I want to sing Him the Love songs He deserves, because He is worthy of it, period!
I use to say that I wasn’t creative, but that was a lie. I use to say that I wasn’t a poet, but that’s a lie of the devil. I use to say that I wasn’t an artist. I use to say that I couldn’t sing, once again that was a lie. I use to say that I couldn’t feel the Love of the Father. I feel Him coming closer, or is it me coming closer to Him? I am changing.
Here’s the thought I have been pondering and thinking upon, this hit me when Chad Norris was preaching about Jesus being tiny! You know Jesus had all hell come against Him when He came into the world, why should I be surprised when it feels like all hell is coming against me? I’ve been thinking you know how the devil worked over time to shut me down! He did a pretty good job for the last 36 years until I started counseling, two months ago! I am being totally serious! All this stuff within in me has been on lockdown and now I am starting to see glimmers of hope starting to bust out! My creativity, my love, and letting my Jesus out! I am starting to feel movement and it’s making me excited. I believe even though this last 6 months has been hard, but I feel like I am finally starting to live.
My healing is setting me free to be who I am in the Lord and dang it He wants me to sing. I think that I shouldn’t say my healing, because my healing is for the healing of nations. It’s not about me, and I have to learn to totally let that go! It’s not about me and it will never be about me! I am no longer willing to try and build my kingdom. Is this the beginnings of dying to self? Let it be so, Lord! I am going to build the Lord’s kingdom. And really all that the Lord is requiring me to do is love! Be a totally open vessel and let His love flow! He’s in me, so flow out of me Jesus in any way that you choose to!
I have the God of the universe living inside of me, so that makes me creative, period! I am shutting down the voice of the enemy; instead of letting the punk shut me down. I think this is called the renewing of the mind! Devil’s lies replaced with the truth of what my Daddy’s says! And my Daddy is pretty big!
Bu-bye satan and your little minions, you’re not welcome here anymore! And I know that it’s going to take awhile to get all my wonderful issues dealt with, but it’s like one you start the inner-healing process you never stop! I wonder what it is going to be like when I have the channels wide open and the Lord can totally flow through me, without any resistance! What is that going to look like? I don’t know, but I look forward to the day when I see it and live it!
Finding inspiration again and reflecting back on my stay at the 4440 apartment, and how precious and unique that time was, even though I was at a level of dysfunction. Those days hold a special place in my heart. I miss those days of fellowship, when people would spontaneously show up and we would worship in that raw, organic way. The praises went up from 4440 and I know that the Lord was pleased! I really miss those days, and those who have set foot in the apartment probably feel the same way. Thanks to those who worshipped with us, maybe one day the Lord will let us get back in there and worship again! If Dave ever puts that building up for sale I think I want to buy it! Just saying! J
I do miss Chicago, but not the snow! Thanks to those who prayed for South Carolina to get a white Christmas! We did! We got 4 inches! NOT RIGHT! Haha!
So, with all that said, here are some things that I am going to be working on in 2011 and I just wanted to share it with you!
· The first and major thing I want to focus on is the continued journey of inner-healing that the Lord has me on! It’s hard and it sucks sometimes, but I am confronting my fears and getting things dealt with! J Plus, it helps to have an awesome counselor along the way, guiding me through the process, and guiding me right into the heart of the Father! PS, It’s never too late to start inner- healing!
· March time frame there is a worship school in Moravian Falls, NC that I want to go to. Suzy Yaraei and I think Molly Williams are leading the school. I am praying for a seat in that school. This would totally be a dream come true! Songwriting is the main thing I want to focus on there! I will keep you posted! I really want to go! I want to get connected with like hearts when it comes to worship. Plus, it’s Moravian Falls, OPEN HEAVENS! YEAH!
· I will be looking for a guitar and a keyboard so I can continue on the songwriting journey! Pray that I can get something decent but cheap on Craigslist. I would love to have a Gibson Hummingbird guitar! Let’s see what the Lord does with that. I will begin looking in February for the instruments!
· I want to get a Gym pass and squeeze into some Anne Taylor jeans that don’t fit me yet! Pray that I fnd a decent price for the yearly deal! J
· I know that I totally slacked in 2010 on my Blog “Clinging on the Hem”! I don’t want to do that in 2011, so I plan to keep a daily post and if not that, a weekly post! Whatever random things that comes to my mind, I am sure that you will hear about it! I am pretty good with random!
· I have a possibility to go to Israel, in June for a friend’s wedding, on Pentecost! If I were to go, I would need cheap airfare. I would love to go to Israel, only if the Lord wants me there, in that time frame. So, I am just asking the Lord to make the way for me, if this is when He wants me in His beloved Israel!
· Major switch for me in my life, I am changing majors in School. After dealing with some Father Issues in counseling, and an encounter with Jesus on Thanksgiving, I am changing my major in school. I am changing over to Human Services with the Counseling track. The great thing is that I am not reinventing the wheel, 7 of my classes will transfer over to this Major! Joy! I feel the Lord really breathing on this. I really believe that the Lord is going to use me in that capacity down the road. It will be awesome to give back, what has been poured into me! And to truly use the Prophetic gifting that the Lord has given me in a way that will truly set the captives free; build up instead of tearing down! I am looking forward to the day when I can give back to the body of Christ in that way! And I have had some prophetic confirmation from people who I really love and trust! And I feel so much peace on this, it’s not funny! So, starting Spring 2011; I will be taking the Intro to Human Services and Social Psych and two math classes! I feel the grace, and I am looking forward to rocking it! I need to get my GPA back up! OH help me Jesus! Hahaha!
· And I am still looking for a job. Please keep that in prayer that the Lord will guide me in the right direction in the right time! Praise the Lord! J
· I do have one more thing that I want you to pray for. I have a desire to build a spontaneous, raw, organic worship culture, here in Greenville. 4440 south! J I want to open my house up for people to feel free to drop in and worship in a raw and organic way. I know that it won’t be like Chicago, but I want to have the venue set so if people wanted to come and worship, my 600 foot little house would be open to the community for worship and fellowship. Pray that the Lord will guide me to the people who have the same cry in their heart, or people who don’t have words to explain what they are feeling inside, but this is what they are wanting. Lord, make the way! Woot-hoo! You are so worthy of all our praise.
PS. I haven’t totally given up on Nursing, I just told the Lord I would wait on this because right now, I don’t have to infrastructure to succeed. The Lord and I had a really good talk. So, I told the Lord I would wait even if I have to wait for my husband to come, I will wait! I think He was pleased with that decision. Some other stuff happened, but none the less I don’t have to carry that burden of trying to make it happen anymore. Since coming to South Carolina, I learned a great deal about the Divine Timing of the Lord, that Kiaros moment where you just have to step into it and the Lord takes care of the rest. I really believe this is my season for healing and rest!
I just have to surrender the Nursing call until the Lord reveals the timing of it to come to pass! I can trust the Lord in that. He got me this far, and I know He won’t leave me or forsake me! I know what I have to do this season of my life and I am welcoming the change! And I think I am to the point where if He tells me to lay it down for good, I would be ok with that too!
Anyway, that’s it from Greenville! My prayer for all of you that you will grow in the knowledge of our King and that you would get smothered in the Love of the Father. I also pray that the creative endeavors that the Lord is calling you to this year, would be fully breathed upon by Holy Spirit and you can come into the fullness of that vision He has set in your heart! Yeah, we serve and awesome God! Dream the dreams He has for you! I am finally starting to do that, and it’s totally liberating!
Love you all,
Till Next time,
Birdie
